Day 27

Today is another trainees birthday.

I feel so sad for her. We couldn't really do anything to make it special. Just bought Pringles, made a card, and bought her a little change purse.

Happy Birthday!!!

I felt really selfish seeing her though too. I am not at all looking forward to celebrating birthdays here.

This afternoon we went to a head Village Health Trainer's home where we were able to talk about all sorts or health things; HIV, malaria, birth control, condom use. All sorts of things.

It was so interesting to be there and to hear the dialogue between the mean an women and the way they approached our questions.

The scariest and saddest thing is that they know about STDs and STIs including HIV/AIDS, but that HIV kind of over shadows all the others and even though there is knowledge about it, that's about where it stops.

I spoke with the men's group when they split and the men openly admitted to the fact that infidelity was common, but thy condom use was highly uncommon. There was an expressed lack of trust when it came to partners and fear of HIV, but still no desire to use a condom despite the fact that they knew that its use could prevent HIV.

I couldn't manage to understand that. Part of it was tied into reproduction, the other aspect I'm not sure.

I'm nervous to do things here. I can't just say hey that's stupid, because there is a reason that thing have been done like that. There is a reason that people feel this way. I swear having an official psych degree might be better than all this social activist angsting inside of me.

I'm scared. I'm terrified that I won't have any ideas, that my community won't accept me and that I will fail that or I won't create anything sustainable or worth while.

That's what I'm scared of. Hopefully I'm just being silly.