Day 300

Tuesday February 18, 2014

I have never been more surrounded and felt so alone. 

I haven't decided what I'm doing yet. 

Is this worth it? 

I can't figure. 

I have figured that I like squat toilets, no my squat toilet, better than sit down ones as I feel that they are more efficient. Not as comfortable, but I'm looking for efficiency and speed. 

Today my urethra and anus were performing remarkably similar jobs and so it was then as I was sitting with this pain in my abdomen that I realized the same pressure wouldn't be there if I was squatting. 

Another advantage of poo-ing in the comforts of your own home. 

Aside from those basic calls of nature, I'm finding myself battling with my heart and mind. I'm trying so very hard to placate and pacify the heart that my mind is going soft and becoming frustrated with my created reality. 

I am dooming myself. I am losing my sanity. 

I simply am.  

Day 299

Monday February 17, 2014

First day back at work. Monday meeting was simply a myth. 

Got there on time. No one around. Left. 

Went to golf course. Met up with another volunteer. 

Trying to finish a presentation for a pece corps workshop and presently it still isn't finished. Neither is my counterparts. 

Again. As my friend, love her. As my coworker, I can't. 

If I am asked to do another piece of her work. Ugh. I jut can't. 

Fast dinner after a long day. And I realize my patience is wearing thin. 

Museveni is to sign the Anti-homosexuality act and I can only laugh at the ignorance that surrounds the topic. In the same breath I want to weep. 

I don't know everything political, we can't be everywhere in the world, but this affects all allies and those of the LGBT community. 

I'm nervous that more will come from this law. I'm nervous for the conversations. 

I don't want to partake and yet it is difficult to not be offended when friends and family, loved ones are called abnormal and are wished to hell. 

I'm questioning my service. I'm questioning myself. Why am I doing this? 

Day 298

Sunday February 16, 2014

Unsuccessful day at the 'Internet cafe.'

Although dinner tonight was delicious. Homemade spaghetti and the tomatoes were cooked just right. 

Today was pleasant. We went to the market. To the supermarket and I tried to convey the enviable moments in the life that we now lived. I'm only hoping that they were transferred along. 

Sometimes it is lovely to be here. Sometimes it is not. 

Sometimes it just needs a good drink and others it needs a sober mind. 

It is no different than any other place except tht this place is not familiar to me and so I feel outcasted and alien. 

Two states of which I hate to be settled in. 

Day 296

Friday February 14, 2014

Valentine's Day. 

Gift from the hotel owner an it rightfully made us cheerful. 

Tomorrow we return back to the bowels of Kampala to make our way 'home.'

I'm trying to drink in these last moments where there hasn't been an argument, any prolonged unwanted stares, no questions, just moving. 

Man is not meant to roam alone, but man adapts, so why am I having such difficulty? 

Day 297

Saturday February 15, 2014

And we are on our way back. She dreading the bus, me not wanting to spare the expense of a private car. 

She won. 

It was nice to find ourselves at home, but then the children began to cry. 

No dinner as we ate along the way at a mzungu restaurant that I first ate at after a month at my homestay. 

I remembered it to be amazing. This time around it was simply edible. Ordinary. That may also be due to the splendor of food set before us for the past four days. 

I will miss bacon. 

I already miss bacon. 

I'm encouraged to purchase a toaster oven. 

Day 295

Thursday February 13, 2014

Flight cancelled. No more flights for awhile. New bed last night. Delicious dinner. Pork chops. Roasted potatoes. 

This was needed. 

Oh and the driver miraculously found my phone. Thank the eff. 

I've come to realize that the norms of this country have seeped into my bones and forced me to move about in its ab'normality.' 

Abnormal to what I know. Abnormal in my understanding of the world. 

In a world where there isn't a moment to breathe unless you pay ridiculous sums, but a world in which you are always an outsider. 

This may be negative thinking as I fully believe that Uganda is a beautiful place, I just feel beaten down by her at present. 

So off to another mzungu shop where the mzungus flock and cherish foods which comfort them and fill our stomachs. To quiet days with limited stares cause they can never be vanquished. 

And it is cause for reflection upon the life we are living, the life we have lived, and that of which we want. 

If only I could master the latter. 

Day 294

Wednesday February 12, 2014

Flight booked.

Slept on a real mattress, not one made of foam. My back is grateful.

Breakfast was superb. Fresh fruit. Eggs, homemade bread, butter (omg butter), and bacon. Homer Simpson, drooling from my mouth, bacon.

I think I'm in love.

Except when I woke up and opened my eyes I remembered that I lost my phone the night before. I remember having it all the way up until in the car, the driver says it's not there.

It is.

I also remember that this day will end at 5am tomorrow when she leaves.

How am I supposed to deal?

I can only imagine how skinny I will be again. That is the one consolation.

Day 293

Tuesday February 11, 2014

My mom gave us a journal for Christmas. A question a day journal (for couples).

Today's question;

"What would be a miracle today?"

My response;

"Making the flight."

We didn't make the flight.

After arriving home at 2:30 am and packing until nearly 4, we lay down after a roach attack (it was huge) and sleep for and hour and a half. Ok, maybe two hours. Regardless, not enough.

We make it to the bus in time. She's dying already. It probably doesn't help that 

1. She's not a morning person

2. There were no available two seaters

Although 2. quickly changed by the gesture of a sweet nyabo,

3. a chicken was placed underneath her seat

And so the five hour journey began as did my suicidal thoughts.

Cut to the walk through Kampala, the scrumptious lunch, the take out of even more money and the ride to the airport for the second time in two days (don't forget our ride back to Kampala the first day).

We get to the airport. Everything is great. We each have our yellow cards, we both don't need visas. Things are fine. 

Then we hit immigration. Melinda is apparently a country hopper. She won't be allowed on the plane without a flight home to Canada because she has a single entry visa to Uganda and they can not permit her on the plane unless after Thailand she is going home. 

Why they care where she goes after she leaves Uganda, I'm not sure. Why they won't reissue her a new visa once she comes back into the country, I'm also not sure as I hear that it is very very common.

Either way, we see the immigrations supervisor who tells her that they let someone recently go to Rome and Rome wouldn't let them in and sent them back to their home country. True? I haven't quite decided if I would like to swallow that.

Unfortunately I had no choice.

So it's decided. She's going tomorrow, but tonight we found a little B&B in Entebbe, because we can't be bothered to go back to Kampala.

_________

This place may be my/our salvation. She may change her mind. Maybe.

Day 292

Monday February 10, 2014

Today might be the worst day of my life, until it became the best.

So wake up all ready and amped to go to Rwanda, until we make it to the airport and Melinda is refused her tickets because she doesn't have a visa nor will they issue one at the airport.

Please kill me.

So they tell us we can move the flight and go to the embassy and have a visa processed same day.

Too bad we get back in a car to Kampala without clarifying which embassy.

After we leave the Canadian embassy because it's not the one, we find ourselves 15 minutes too late for the visa registration at the Rwandan embassy.

Needless to say the threats of home, turned from threats to promises, until we came up with the plan to go to Thailand!!

I was excited considering that there were hotels with bathtubs and nightclubs and sit down toilets and for her sushi, for me food period.

And our prayers have been answered.

Too bad that on our way to the answer we detoured for dinner at Prunes, which doesn't live up to the hype. Olives all the way. Thank you Day.

And now we are in the car in another private ($130 dollars more than the $30 it would cost for both of us to take a bus) to take us back to Mbarara. We need our WHO cards to prove we've had our yellow fever shots.

I'm too excited!! If only our driver had the excitement in him instead of slightly dozing on these non illuminated streets.

The excitement is being replaced by fear.

Day 291

Sunday February 9, 2014

To mark our one year anniversary we

saw many more giraffes, walked to a beautiful waterfall, and to top it off had our driver pulled over by the traffic police.

We then proceeded to watch him get cuffed. Thinking that the police wanted a bribe we didn't really pay him any mind when the officer informed us that our driver had been drinking and was drunk, especially since we were with him the whole day AND he was driving us.

Day 290

Saturday February 8, 2014

Day 2 of the safari.

Early morning ferry ride to the northern part of the park and already I've witnessed hippos. None at the campsite though.

Bummer.

Far off elephants. Close afraid to get charged elephants. Distant giraffes. Water buffalo. Hyenas trying to chase a warthog. Fail.

LION!!

Crested cranes, and more hippos.

Oh, did I mention I rode atop my safari van for the full first part of this excursion? Yes my tailbone may now be cracked in a few places and my secretary's ass may be even flatter than when this adventure started, but for the unobstructed views and pictures, I'm gonna go ahead and say it was worth it.

Lunch. Egg salad sandwich with honey mustard mustard. Oh em ghee. In love.

Then a boat ride which I could have done without. Not close enough to the bajillions of hippos we saw in the water. Another elephant close up!! Crocodiles!! And more up close photos of the falls. Made me miss home and Niagara Falls.

I think I just miss home.

Day 2 = SUCCESS!!

Day 289 b

Friday February 7, 2014

Part II

Soooo... 

Today I have seen a creepy silk spider that my driver miraculously saw in the sky while he was driving, I saw baboons. One started to charge the car as we had food on our roof. 

We also saw antelope thingies and these amazingly beautiful waterfalls. It was    breathtaking. 

Then we got back to site and we were welcomed by a mama warthog and her four little babies!!! They were the cutest things ever!!

After the scare of hippos walking around camp at night and warthogs ripping your tent open due to their amazing sense of smell and your latest bath and body works product it was time for dinner. 

The hell with these mzungu prices. So not used to it. 

Oh well. That curry chicken yesterday with chips was great. 

Wish I was eating that again. 

Day 289

Friday February 7, 2014

6:30a wake up 

6:35a diva cup removal 

6:37a question usefulness of diva cup 

6:40a contemplation of a safari with tampons

6:50a finally 

7:00a eat

7:11a eat egg that fell on table 

7:12a realize Uganda is changing me. 

7:13a cry on the inside

7:27a check the cup

7:28a praise the cup for all it's goodness

7:30a departure for the safari

And so the morning begins. 

Day 288

Thursday February 6, 2014

And we've begun out travel to Kampala, the first leg of our trip to our safari. 

The excitement!!

Melinda hates the buses. We didn't get jipped on the way to catch the bus though which was nice. 

The ride. Not so nice. 

Having a fresh person come makes me very aware of all the things I've gotten used to that maybe aren't not normal, as obviously they are here, but that aren't ok, in terms of safety. 

It makes me a little sad. The way a creature becomes complacent with their circumstances, believing that change can't be made, even if it is just in ones own world. 

I'm not sure how to make it happen, but slowly by slowly. We will see. 

So we finally made it and by golly that wa my eat trip through Kampala yet. I haven't decided if it was because it actually was somewhat less crazy busy or if having Melinda with me causes extra confidence in everything I do so everything seems better. 

Got in and ate a couple croissants. Chocolate filled. The few luxuries of coming to the big city. Big city food tailored to the tastes of outsiders. Yum. 

Went for a burger. Mistake. 

I wish I opted for the pasta. 

It also doesn't help much tht I have started mefloquine again and the pill I took is giving me what I can only imagine to r as heartburn except its lasting for several days. I'm not sure that's supposed to happen. 

Met up with the rest of the crew. Saw another volunteer eat a stranger volunteer's left over ice cream goop. I thought I was gonna barf. 

Then on to our accommodations. It was quite nice. Expensive, but nice. 

Chicken curry served with chips instead of rice. This was not by request. Made me wish they accidentally substituted mashed potatoes instead. 

Holy heaven on Earth. 

Early lights out, because in Uganda, that's life. 

Our safari vehicle also leaves at 7:30 tomorrow morning. 

Which makes me nervous because these beds suck. I need more sheet for my mattress. 

Oh well. Back to the days of the womb. 

 

Day 287

Wednesday February 5, 2014

We delivered the items to the orphanage today. 

Thank the eff. The race/marathon is finally over. Thank God. 

This event reaffirmed that I enjoy my counterpart as a friend and nothing more. 

Argued over money and lunch and I just became frustrated as I feel like I am not respected in addition to the fact that communication is lacking, nothing is taken seriously. By anyone. Ugh. 

So the babies made my day better. Melinda is thinking of adoption. 

I said no. 

Smacked in the face with balls. It was the best thing ever. 

Vowed to visit the home more often. 

Packed until forever late in the morning. Taught the girls the rest of their dance. Sad because the oldest neighbor girl is going to boarding school. 

Sad and weird as she walks to school, but now she's going to board there. 

Also vowed to visit her, but only after this safari and Rwanda trip!!! Excited!!! 

Nervous for Kampala with Melinda though. I can remember my first time. It was hell. 

God. Please don't let tomorrow be hell. 

Day 286

Tuesday February 4, 2014 

A Father blessed my holy water bracelet from Romania today. 

I discovered grapes in the backyard of a church and a new found frustration with my counterpart. 

My back continues aching, I'm sure from the impression of my body neatly formed in my foam mattress. 

It pains me to the extent that when I blow my nose I can feel the pressure from expelling my nasal cavity in the small of my back. Just pushing. 

This is what 84 feels like. I'm sure of it. 

Helping my Ugandan friend apply to grad schools. Makes me realize, I need to apply to grad school. 

Did laundry while drinking wine. Not as relaxing as it sounds. Basically dead lifts with the immediate reverse effect as the wine was going down as fast as the suds. 

Happens. 

Making plans for a week away. Torn between Zanzibar and Rwanda. We already have Rwanda planned though, but apparently their president was shot by his body guard and hasn't been seen in over a month and so we were told to be careful as Rwandanese (sp) are very dangerous people and a genocide could happen again if they find out the president is dead. 

So we started looking at Zanzibar. Unfortunately Zanzibar is high prices and not much else. 

Pray for no reruns. I don't think we would fare well. 

Maybe it's a good thing the Father blessed my bracelet. 

Day 285

Monday February 3, 2014

Mondays. They will always suck. 

8am meeting didn't start until nine. Makes sense. 

World AIDS Day things still coming together, but after two weeks of chasing, we have finally secured and finished a meeting with the management. 

Let the shopping begin. 

Let the headache begin. 

And tonight I've eaten oatmeal for dinner in attempts to avoid my kids. Poor kids. 

One day I will miss them. 

Day 284

Sunday, February 2, 2014

And today there wasn't much to do. 

The lack of lights on the weekends stresses me into thinking of mice lurking and then scurrying about my feet and too close to my bed sheets. 

We left that place fast. 

"Internet cafe" No Internet. 

Shame. 

Apparently there is a Super Bowl party tonight. I can't be bothered as it won't begin until two in the morning here. 

Damn time difference. 

So le sigh and on to my boring life. 

8 am meeting tomorrow. I can only guess what time it will begin. 

Day 283

Saturday February 1, 2014

No mouse, just fear of mice. I think they might be living in my travel bag. 

Safe journey. 

Explored in and around Mbarara today. 

Saw my friend play with a cows taint, drank straight from a cow (boiled then cooled) milk. Tasted like terriyaki jerky, the kind I don't like. 

Was bitten by safari ants and then taken to their stomping grounds to goad them into further tastings. 

Given free matoke and bananas for eating, not cooking. Gave them away once they were transported to my house. 

That was the greatest moment. 

That is the greatest gift. 

Thanks Uganda.   

Made delicious curry. Scared of worms as many of my potatoes nowadays seem to be containing them. 

Rice+Olive oil= perfect rice. 

Every time. 

Soon I will own my own restaurant. 

Neighbor boy fell into my dirty dish water last night. I don't think I've laughed harder this year. Where's a camera when you need it?!? 

Would have been famous on YouTube. 

Dammit.