Day 60

June 23rd.

One of the worst days in the history of my life. Only to be topped by my other grandparents passing and my parents. Nene too.

I haven't cried like this in ages.

I can't be sure if I'm actually sick an should be concerned that its malaria or if its just stress that is causing this fever and fatigue.

I miss my grandpa. I want him back. None of this still seems real.

So many people came out for his wake. It was amazing to here people's stories and see the happiness that knowing my grandfather gave them.

There was a slide show and I swore I expected to hear my grandpa just laugh, just open his eyes and start laughing. Of course he didn't.

But that's what I expected. I kept glancing to the casket hoping to see the rise and fall of his chest.

Again no such thing.

I feel selfish being as sad as I am. He wa my grandpa, not my father or uncle, but my grandpa and I don't feel I got to spend nearly as much time as for all the tears I was crying, but maybe that's just it.

I didn't get enough time. There are so many conversations I wish I could have had, I wish I would have had.

I miss my grandpa. I miss his mass, his wit, him playing solitaire. I just miss my grandpa.

I wish I could bring him back.