I have decided that woman was the worst invention ever. No offense God, just saying. I mean why would bleeding for 5 to 7 days have to be a requirement that women meet? Personally, the little demons that burst from their unnatural womb by using dull sporks to eat away at my inner linings and descend upon my ovaries with a voracity that is nonetheless startling, but also highly painful, that I could do without. I could also do without the bleeding in general seeing that I never pay attention to it so I never know when it is coming. Trying to play laser tag last night and next thing you know I laugh and it feels like my water is breaking. Nope, no worries, not a baby on board, just one leaving since my egg was never able to make friends. Personally, I don't think my eggs need friends. Hell they have each other and the demons that come to keep them company once every 28 days. Isn't that enough? Whatever.
So the best friend and I, we decide that even though we are alums and have other things to do with our lives, like sleep, we think that we should join the incoming freshmen of our scholarship program and play laser tag. Oh, did I also mention that it was free? Oh free how I love thee. Now when the night starts, chick is looking super sweet. hair pulled back with some out and a braid in there. I happen to notice that under that cheetah print cardigan there are Olivia Newton John black spandex leggings. So I inquire wondering who the hell she is trying to give multiplying chills to. Oh, she lets me know that we are going to play laser tag as I stand there in ballet flats, a tank and a button up denim shirt with some burgundy linen pants on. I later found that this super cool look would be my super fool look. If only I knew.
After our briefing on no running, no gum chewing, and no laying down during laser tag all I see when we walk into the game arena emerging from the smokey entrance is a vest and eyes. No body, I do see the shoes, but everything else you can't see because she is wearing all black looking like Cat Woman or Laura Croft. The chick's arms are all out, gun cocked to the side and the nickname she gives herself? Tammy Guns. Yeah, that's right. She's not running, not fast walking, she is taking her time hitting our base all day because of course we would be on opposing teams. I hit her. I did. And I laughed when I did it too. Last game of the night and we both are high score scorers!!! Whoot whoot!! She was proud of me. I had a tear in my eye. It was a good way to start the night off.
Now here comes the not so fun part. Pizza. Digiorno pizza. I like Digiornio because it isn't delivery. This was imitation Digiorno. Looked good, tasted like paper. Cardboard had too much of a flavor for this. Anyways after the one slice of pizza is through and I needed more than one-starved and I just sweated through my tank and bra ( I lost, well had to remove, my button up after round one), hence my outfit of fool, we go play some arcade games. Doing good so far except for the stupid motorcycle game that ate my tokens and wouldn't give them back no matter how many times I pushed the token slot. Stupid motorcycle game. On to air hockey. Let me tell you, one session is enough. Do not go for round two. Same thing with bowling. One game is enough because once you hit the second you begin to complain and things start to hurt. Same in air hockey. You try to hit the puck so hard, I don't know why though because you can't control it and then you are jerking your arm so fast and hard and God that thrusting motion. Thrusting hurts.
We finished air hockey and on to go kart racing. So there are words on the back of each car that say in bold letters, NO BUMPING. I also before we started being first in the starting gate, reminded everyone that there was no bumping as I hate go karts and really did not want to be bumped. Not even thirty seconds after we leave the start gate and this kid, not in the program bumps me so hard I swear I thought my head was going to roll onto the raceway. Can the kid not read? Is he also deaf? I am just wondering, because there were verbal warnings and visual aides to prevent such things. Rude. After that I distanced myself from the other racers and decided that it was a much better idea to be last place and safe. I appreciated my grandma driving. These little kids on the sideline however did not. I was constantly yelled at to use my turbo boost. I had no desire. It wasn't until the fourth race where I became competitive again and used 2 out of 3 power boosts. I still came in fourth to last place. Almost sounds like I came in fourth place the way I worded that. Clever huh?
The night ended well and then of course I find myself back here in the morning. I was late again as usual. Then I try to do some real work, some online training and I can't hear anything because everything today seems to be on max volume. My coworker is goofing off as usual doing a lot of nothing but annoying me and talking about damn sports while having the sports channel on his internet radio. I wanted to kill myself, so I began to shop for shoes. Yup, then I am into my training again and my supervisor pulls us into this impromptu meeting because she doesn't know what is going on so she brings us in there and all I am thinking is that I was actually trying to do some work and that this meeting has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with me or my coworker. Next thing I know, we are in the CEO's office. Hate my coworker. I think I am going to be fired. Just saying. I think I need to go to lunch. I feel like my water is breaking again. Damn demons.
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