Last night I couldn't sleep. Last night was weird. 2 a.m. and I'm staring at the clock. Now I'm a sleeping kind of person. I was in the bed by six last night. I could have stayed there until this morning honestly, but the BFF decided that we should hang out. I was content to stay under the covers.
So 7:30 comes around and there she is giving me my wake up call. Ok. Ok. I'm up. Half naked in ripped panties and yup there it goes, my backside exposed. Great.
Fine. I get up, put on clothes. We buy our Florence + The Machine tickets for early September and try to find some couch to surf on. Couch surfing btw makes me nervous, but if I don't have to pay for a hotel room, then I'm good.
After that, it is decided we should eat. I do, but not before a cigarette to my face. Then since it is a Thursday night we have to watch project runway!
During the runway show I get these random texts messages and I've come to realize that I rub people the wrong way. I was told the other day that I'm not meant to be in a relationship. I hear I'm selfish and untrustworthy.
I'm beginning to believe it.
I was also told that I don't know myself and that I'm running away from myself... I had to think about this and it might be true. Not even might, I know that I don't know. I should be taking this time to truly discover what makes me me and not the negative traits of selfish and untrustworthy.
Even though I don't know everything there is to know about me, I don't think I'm running away. No body runs where I'm headed. They disappear there. Besides I don't want to run. I want to be on the road I am meant to go down to help in my definition and discovery of me.
Who knows. All I know is that maybe that person was right. Maybe I'm not meant for a relationship.
Hmmmm...
Soon I shall say screw relationships. One day I'm going to die and relationships won't matter. You don't think when you're dead.
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