Today

I am just striking out. Every time I put myself out there I find myself falling on my face. Rejection seems to be my strong point. I think I may be too bold and maybe I am truly selfish because I seem to rub people the wrong way.

I can't keep a girlfriend who was head over heels for me and now every time any one of my friends sees her new girlfriend out, they call me because they think they are helping yet in reality, they are sending me into a further spiraling depression.

I can't keep my more than friend because I am always pissing her off. There is love as an undercurrent that doesn't flow the way it's meant to. And I find myself always on the wrong side of the river.

I decided that maybe I should be going down a path of my past, but then I realize that as my oh so wise mother had once said, that we broke up for a reason, so as much as Bunny has hurt me, I shouldn't have gone back in the first place. As much as I want answers from Cop, he doesn't deserve my curiosity and as for those I never knew, now is not the time to learn. I can't keep dipping back for comfort.

I need to stretch my wings and be honest with myself about what I want because if I don't know, how am I supposed to receive it properly?

What the eff is happening to my life right now? I can't take this internal turmoil. I am too much into my head questioning notions and looking for signs. I basically wanted what I had, but not and now I am feeling all ahhhhhhhhhh and what not and I can't really take it.

I want shenanigans and to move away and how is it that my younger counterparts are living on their own and I live in the basement?! The basement. Screw my big girl job that sleeps me in a twin bed.

Fuck me.

I have six months to turn this all around. Six months.

And fuck the investmentss!!!!!