So Thursday I got my evaluation at work. I need to get this off my chest before I have another Tuesday. Basically I think that this week sucked. It was the worst evaluation ever and I didn't know what to do about it. Well I ended up talking to my supervisor about it and that was a half an hour wasted of my life. I swear. When I went in there I told her that I was concerned just because if the evaluation was a reflection of my performance, then I wanted to know specifically what it is that I was doing wrong or that I could be doing better aka why my review was full of 2s when the range is 0-5, 0-1 being unsatisfactory, 2-3 being satisfactory, 4 being commendable, and 5 being outstanding.
Now I wasn't expecting any 5s because I don't think I am the best or anything and there is always room for improvement, but I also wasn't expecting all 2s. When I hear satisfactory and there are two numbers in that ranking and I have the lesser of the two, I hear that it is a step above unsatisfactory and that I am doing just enough to get by. Yes I am doing my work and the job is getting done, but it is not to the best of my ability and I'm not proud of 2 work. That is like bringing home a D. I passed, but I am on the verge of failing. I tried to explain this to my supervisor as objectively as I could, but she wasn't hearing it and I didn't go in there for her to change my review, I simply wanted to know where I could improve if these were really the scores she thought I deserved.
I'm just gonna throw a couple examples out there. My supervisor comes to me for multiple things. Multiple. I keep things organized, I plan events, I am the go to person when things are in the clutch. I don't care for it because it can be very overwhelming and I feel taken advantage of because I don't know how to say no and so I am usually the one cleaning things up that other people were supposed to do that they then throw on me. I don't like it because I feel like I don't have enough time to do the best job I would like to do, but within the time frame given and the resources provided I think that I do more than ok and always get the job done if it means staying late, driving to Niagara Falls, I am always figuring things out on my own because I feel like I can not rely on my supervisor, so it is easier for me to just do it myself. I do CC her on everything I do though. I also verbalize what is being done so that she is aware. I don't understand how on such measures as accountability, flexibility and adaptability, and job knowledge then I can score 2s. I knew more about the job when I first started than she did. I have also done training for her to teach her how to do the things that I knew before entering this position. I also just on Thursday did a presentation for an outreach initiative that was originally designated to someone else, then at the last minute given to me. I didn't complain (out-loud or to her) and so I'm not understanding. And no one prepares me for anything. I am constantly learning on the fly and on my own. I have set up my own trainings and just don't understand these 2s.
My supervisor then told me that it means satisfactory which means I am getting the work done, but I explained to her that yes I understand this, but I have never gotten a 2 before and I feel that the work that I do is above and beyond. I really said that I think that I work harder than what my evaluation reflects and if she is not able to observe this that it concerns me because I want her to be able to see the hard work that I am putting forth. She then went on to explain that this was only a three month period that she was able to base this off of and that for my sixth month the scores would more than likely be higher because she would have more to observe of me. What? Either I am a good worker or not. Either I produce or not. I am not going to change as a worker. I bust my ass now, you think I won't later. The only thing that would make that happen is, oh right an evaluation like this which makes me feel unappreciated and overworked. So in three months I haven't done anything more than 2s? What? Just put not applicable then if you haven't observed it instead of a 2!
Whatever. I was telling my mom and my friend the other day and my friend had the right idea. She said well, if your supervisor thinks that what you do now is 2 work, then do 2 work and then mayb you may even get as a high as a five. I couldn't stop laughing. My mother agreed.
Anyways. Friday was a pretty good day aside from having to talk to the supervisor about the damned evaluation. It was our social workers last day and so it means that I will be doing a lot more case management! So excited. That is one thing about my job, it gives me so much experience and helps me deal with situations that I haven't had to deal with which just like they say if it doesn't kill me, it only makes me stronger and I swear, I am building up my tolerance. I'm just nervous that my sass is going to come out like 24/7 which then means I'm just being a bitch and still can't control my emotions. Can't I just fall in a nice happy medium?
Ok. So at work I am addicted to email. I used to hate it, but now I love it and I email all the time. I still suck sometimes, but mostly I try to be really good at email. I seriously have gotten so much better too. Ok, besides the point. My friend from across the border lets me know about a party that night except I wasn't being a listener and just said I had to babysit on Saturday so couldn't come, but thanks for thinking of me. Next thing you know I am on facebook getting all jealous and what not because my girls are talking about the party. I read what they are saying though and it was saying tonight which was Friday and I emailed my friend back and was like heck yeah I can venture down for that party. It only means driving for 2 hours and then waking up hella early to be back for work Saturday morning. I can definitely do that.
So then the calls are going out. Excitement is up. Emails stop being paragraphs long and turn into one word- Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! (that is a scream by the way). I call my best friend, but she is no where to be found and by the fifth call, the voicemails I am leaving her are beginning to sound quite threatening and obnoxious. I am also beginning to get anxious as the decision to go to Toronto came at 2 in the afternoon and no one has packed, no one has alcohol, no one has money, and no one has heard from anyone. I also had to cancel plans for these shenanigans. Sorry if you are reading this. I owe you.
So we are meeting at a new location except my friend doesn't know their address. What? How don't know your friends address? Ok. Fine. We will just meet at the regular meeting place. So I finally get a hold of my partner in crime and I tell her the low down aka we are going to Canada for the night and will be home in the morning. I agree to this outting for another reason, 647 who was originally going to be there, is not going to be there and so I am so down for a girls night.
After driving for two hours, I am told, with a drink in my hand that I will be driving to the club. Not impressed. Things change. The boy whose house we are staying at has decided that it is ok for me to be planking it the half an hour drive down into the city. In it. I like drinking and so once this decision is made shots all around. It's going down.
So I thought being able to lay down in the back seat of a charger was going to be the best idea and best spot in the house. I was mistaken. I kept getting my head dented on the door of the car everytime it took a turn, not to mention it is a horrible idea to half plank it in a dress. Half plank meaning that my legs kept getting bent without my brain telling them to bend and I was being inappropriately touched and people were laughing and I couldn't recline and relax. I was constantly at the mercy of the turning car and the bodies beneath me. Finally the ride was over.
We arrive, but no one knew where we were going and so we had the address and then I realized that we were going up in numbers when we really needed to be going down and so we turn right around then we get there and the line is crazy long. 647 ends up showing up. Can I just say I wasn't expecting to see her and as I am crossing the street my friend points, I think to the club, but nope it is to 647 and my unsuspecting self goes into a shock face because I am shocked. Not who I wanted to see that night. So we say not a word to each other. Me, I have nothing to say, she who knows why. And I realize that this is the way it has always been with 647, except I wasn't eager to see her this time around and so when she acted like it was nothing, as she always has, I wasn't upset, because I finally got it. I could have just done without the reminder of her in my face on a girls night out.
So, we find a friend, skip and then decide that the line is too long anyways. I found friends while in line though because I was afraid from all the pushing that a fight was going to ensue. I was also afraid of the fight since the best friend decided that she wanted to start one and so when this poor little rude little white girl was on the phone talking about ghetto bitches and this ghetto place that she just doesn't want to go into, the best friend took it upon herself to show her about ghetto Kevin Hart style. I couldn't stop laughing when I got the recount of this. So the girl is talking ghetto this ghetto that and I go to where she is and I start off with a ya know you're being rude talk as her friend pulls me aside and apologizes because her friend is drunk and it is her bday. All I want to say is shut up talking to me. I hear you. Stop repeating yourself. I'm drunk too, but I'm not being rude. What the heck.
Little did I know that while the friend of the rude girl is apologizing and explaining to me, my best friend is not talking, but mushing the poor unsuspecting girl in the face not once, not twice, but three times. The girl gets out of her grasp for about 2 point 5 and so I get summoned, "Katie! Get her!" (this is all in the shut it down voice that you can hear Kevin Hart do). I am unable to 'get her' as I am still being apologized and explained to. What the heck. Still didn't know that the best friend was over there causing trouble. Next thing you know the explainer is walking away and the rude friend is being picked up with arms and legs flailing and all I can think is why and how did she get so upset. I later find out about not only the mushing, but that when I was summoned, since I didn't get the memo, the best friend snatched her up by the hair, you know as a means of saying, "come over here." Hilarious. Who does these things.
After those shenans, we leave. At this point. I am ready to go anywhere just to shake my butt. There was no butt shaking to be had. None. Friend one was too done. Friend two was too tired and the boys were acting like jack-offs. Jack-offs. They were really nice and funny though. I think we may be friends. So we get back to the house. I'm pouring a drink getting eggs and peppers and mushrooms and milk and everything out of the fridge because all I really want is Jims. The eggs sucked! I ended up eating shrimp flavored pasta and let me tell you, although it was delicious, I wanted to throw up after every bite from the shrimp. I really don't like shrimp. Really.
The night was to say the least out of control. I met Tarzan's best friend. You should really hear his laugh. I recorded it for my ringtone on my phone.
Six thirty a.m. rolls around and I jump up thinking I am somewhere that I am not and all I can think about is how I wish I were at border. Best friend and I also ran out of cigarettes the night before. Basically we sucked. Neither of us showered before work, but were both on time. We also brushed our teeth, so we got points there. Old men loved us in McDonalds despite our smell. Maybe we don't suck.
I'm thinking I need another over-nighter. Next time more drinks, more dancing, and a little less drama. Just a thought.
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