Headaches

I have been awake since 6:30. It is currently 7:20. I need to be to work no later than 9 this morning. I am sure that I will still be late. I haven't showered yet and I am sitting in clothes that still should not be on my body. I think I will go for a run to clear my mind and come back to this. Give me something to write about.

Ok... I'm back.

On my run I was thinking, as I was doing my Rocky hands in the air, so happy I am done with this damn exercising thing, that how unfair it is that boys do not have to worry about things that I feel no one should have to worry about aka hair. Shaving hair away to be exact.

When I lifted my arms after my Rocky I felt slightly embarrassed seeing that I haven't shaved my armpits in over a week now so they are looking a bit unruly. I then realized that I need not worry as no one was in my immediate vacinity and even if they were I was moving too quickly and the sweat on my face would have been more than enough of a distraction to keep a stranger passer-byer from staring into the forest of my armpits.  Yes, I was in the clear.

Now I began to get angry because here I am 24 years old, wait, I'm 23. Damn, that keeps happening. How come I can't remember my age? Ever? Ok, right back to the hair. So... my 17 year old brother, his armpits are disgusting and hairy and gross, I could braid the hair under there. You should also see his legs, they look like a monkey's back. Now mind you, I never quite get that bad, but I wish that I didn't have to shave my legs or my armpits or my stomach or my under area or any place for that matter. I got lucky. I'm a low maintenance gal and so I don't do the mustache(even though I must confess I have me a five o'clock shadow right above my lip), I don't do the eyebrows. My finger hair is still intact. My arm hair hasn't been so much as combed over. The hair on my toes does get shaved every once and awhile though because I gotta say, you don't always notice it, but when you do, that squish face is quick to appear across your visage. I don't like the feel of the squish face. Not pleasant.

But that is besides the point!! The hairiest of our species get to keep it like mementos and little novelties. Who wants a keepsake of hair clumps in their mouth or stubble burn after making out? But apparently male is synonymous with you don't have to shave. Is it because we expect it? Is it because it is considered ok? I'm just saying. If you get to grow a beard then my happy trail is making a comeback, because you hear that? Happy trail aka makes me happy.  If boys don't have to shave their legs unless it is a special occasion like them being on the Olympic swim team then I shouldn't have to shave mine unless it is your birthday, Valentine's Day, or some sort of anniversary.

I mean why do I always have to be on call as a female? Always trimmed up and always as hairless as possible? I just don't see the point. It's not like people are seeing me naked everyday at some point during the day. No, my clothes stay on. I mean if you want to do things which would cause me to raise my arms or show my legs or show you my nether region, I'm just gonna say-gimme a heads up. Gimme some forewarning. Then, because it is what is expected of me, maybe I will go ahead and do some trimming to not embarrass myself and please you at the same time. I mean just how many designs can I configure my pubic hair into? Are you really even paying that much attention? You know I put my initials in there? Or are those your initials? My moms'? Ooh... I can't remember. Don't worry about it. I'll just go for a landing strip or maybe a diamond or something. I mean, do you have any ideas? No, no you don't. Leave that up to me right? And then again, on top of it, If I were to show up looking like I have a National Forest as the capital of my downstairs you'd flip. Just part the trees. There is always good stuff under the brush. Push the tree branches out of your way. What do you think they did in the olden days? At least I shower (fairly) regularly. Gheeze.

Ok, enough of the hair rant, you already know that if you come to this neck of the woods, I may have hair on my legs, under my arms, and above my top lip. You got lucky because it doesn't grow on my back or under my chin. Yes, thank God. I already have.

Now to present day issues. I think that babysitting is the best and most immediate, not to mention cost effective, means of birth control. I don't want kids. Not right now. Not right ever I'm pretty sure and right now the way my head is feeling is out of control. Kids screaming, kids kicking, kids dropping things and the alarm that is going off in my ear right now. I feel like it is a fire alarm at an elementary school with the lights and the flashing and the screaming and the kicking and oh my goodness. What did I do today? I mean I got my work done. I did lots of work. I cleaned off my desk. I barely used my phone and although I was late, not by much. Only 20 minutes. Please children. Let the babysitter live. Please alarm, stop going off aka eff you Brinks. Make it stop!!

I feel like I am dying. I feel like my brain is going to shortly explode and spray itself across the walls of this house. That wouldn't be too good. My throat is scratching the saliva that is being forced down it. My nose feels like Pinocchio's nose aka not attached to my face and my temples feel like someone is drilling plutonium filled screws into my skull. What is that about?!

Did I ever say that I complain a lot?

Well why stop now?

My heart is still achey. My head is achey. I think I am falling apart. I feel like the tin man or a jungle gym since there are little children running about me and pulling at my parts.

Lol and one of the kids just farted. They are blaming it on the dogs. Highlight of the night. I lied, we also made lunch bag puppets. Cutest thing ever. I love kids, I just can't have my own. Because after the moment of cute, all I am hearing is I tooted over and over again with mouth fart noises. Any other day I would be making fart noises right along, but today even the bass from the tv which I didn't know existed is hurting my head.

Please, someone put me out of my misery. Thank God for Sponge Bob.