Today I don't like bananas. Bananas and I have a love hate relationship except maybe never quite to either of those extremes. I never really love bananas, but I never really hate them. Today though, I don't like them. I discovered my dislike only after I had peeled half of the banana that was on my desk. I thought it would be a good idea to get a serving of fruits into my diet since pizza doesn't fit as nicely into the food pyramid as I would like it to. Well, eating that banana was like torture. My face became tight and I looked as if I had bitten into a lemon and the smell... Oh my goodness the smell. I really don't like bananas today. That is all.
So today on my way to work I was thinking of something to write about and as I was on my way to work placing the finishing touches on my face I realize that there shouldn't be a law against texting and driving, there should be a law against women putting their faces on in the morning and driving. Of the fifteen or so women in cars that I passed this morning, 2 had a form of lipgloss or lipstick in one hand and eyes to the rearview mirror with an imaginary guide in the other. 4 or them were putting mascara on and 3 others were putting on some type of foundation or concealer on. The other women seemed put together, but I am guessing they had longer commutes and so put their faces on earlier in their drive. I'm just saying, if I was making laws- 1. I'd be immune so it would be ok to pass it since I was one of the women putting on mascara this morning, but 2. the state would be making money!! It is so much easier to see a tool of face perfecting than a quick finger text. I'm looking out for the red lipstick, the black mascara and the fit me foundation. You know it is going to happen, every morning, the finishing touches. You'd get more tickets by 8:30 than the rest of the week will produce outside of those early don't look at my face yet hours. Check out your morning commute. Tell me you don't see the face application in process. If you don't then you may need to be ticketed for driving with a vision impairment. Suspension. Sorry.
So today was a weird day. I mean I know it was Monday, but it was weird.
I dealt with my first HIV positive patient today and I was more than nervous that the patient would be losing it and then I would lose it and that we would both have to be restrained and calmed down and walked over to CPAP at the hospital next door. Luckily that didn't happen and the patient took the news remarkably well. The scariest thing though was knowing that after the situation, my fears would subside and I would calm while the patient would have to hold onto the fear that I briefly felt and that my fleeting moments would become their life. A cyclical thought that I only had until broken by the end of the session. The patients is now for life. HIV is no longer the death sentence it once was, but it does not change how earth shattering its realization, its transmission/conception is. This patient was so concerned about not being able to live the life that was planned and dreamt of and it was so disheartening to hear that. A middle aged woman speaking of what she should have done and how she knew better and how she dealt with a Jerk-off McGee and it was crazy to hear her talking the way she was and it doesn't matter your age. Unless you decide and truly choose to do better, then you will always let yourself be run down by less than what you deserve and in the end no matter which way it shows itself, it will always hurt and it will be lasting. Some longer than others, but the banged up knees and dirty laundry will always stick around somehow.
Gotta learn while we can because one day the test is going to come.
So after that, I had a lot of antsy energy because my mind was on overload mode and I couldn't really talk to anyone about it, that happens more often than I would like it to and I was just being so silly, but I wasn't feeling like happy silly, I just didn't know what to do with my fidgety-ness. So I finally calm down, decide to go eat and then yup, distracted. My food was great-pizza is always good-such comfort food, but then as I am calming down here comes one of the providers.
Now I feel bad because when this provider talks, I can never understand him unless I only focus on him and each and every word that he is saying. If I don't do this and I miss the first and the third word, then it is over and you have lost me. Well I am reading TIME magazine and he starts talking to me and I have no idea what he said so I just say anything and I think he knows I can't understand him so he just gave up, but then as I go back to reading, my senses are assaulted by the scents of his food. Now some of it smelled mighty good, but I didn't bother to look up as I didn't want to make eye contact and invite more conversation so I didn't, but then all of a sudden all I can hear now is the gnashing of his teeth against his food and it doesn't stop. I thought it was going to, but it didn't. Why do you sound like a cow has taken over your body? What is that about?! So after about 15 minutes of the cud chewing I couldn't take it anymore and I had to leave.
The day was just crazy. I left work an hour late and have to be to work half an hour earlier than I usually am and no not the on time time, but half an to the time that I am supposed to really be there. What to do what to do.
I also realize that I love to go thrift store shopping and that old people had/have good taste. I like that they give their clothes away and I feel bad because all I can think about is that my one friend once said that thrift stores smell like dead people and that's whose clothes I am trying on. How creep of thought is that? Creep. That's how.
Anyways, not much else happened with the day. Maybe tomorrow will be more exciting.
Keep your fingers crossed. x
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