My Mind's Got the Runs

And today I've got nothing but blurbs and thoughts because they have been circling and leaving me disabled, stretched out and feeling labeled. Marked for dead. X marks the spot. The spot dripping red.

There was once a time when I loved. I loved with all my heart, but she didn't want it. It wasn't for her. Love wasn't enough. She wanted more. She wanted in. She wanted the moon and the stars. I thought they were reflected in my eyes, she with me, the sun to my universe. She couldn't see. The looking glass kept her from it and so she looked elsewhere. Elsewhere leaving me barren and laden across the lands of no man. No man's land. And I wonder was it something in your head you were fighting all along? Was it something I wouldn't even if I could?

Fallen tears measurements of untouched years that my mind has already been to, where I've seen a me and you.

All while...

The residual remains resurfacing from time to time just to remind me that you were real and I try to smother it to keep it from going deeper than skin just so I can retell the story so I may pretend it/you didn't travel so far and yet you swim, swim within me, inhibit my creativity and my ability to create connections and bonds fearing severance and bombs. I can no longer take not longs and forever transformed to never.

So I find you...

Looking for a way out just for a way in. Tasting the deliciousness of her flesh eating sin. And what lies will surface as time does pass. Mirror simply reflecting glass.

And I find that,

I'm allergic to liars. I guess that's why my eyes keep watering every time you come around.

So,

Keep pretending that I don't exist. cast me off. Shield your eyes from the dark abyss…

Because I shall emerge.

I shall emerge where...

We lived in a land of make believe formed of broken promises and broken hearts. We emerged jaded and tainted attempting to wipe all feeling away. It rubbed me raw. Raw that soon faded to numb. Now there is nothing. All for the risk. All for the fun.

And now I'm,

Chasing death so she can't catch up to me.

Here I discovered a place a place where I've decided.

Fuck your favor. My occupation does not depend on your spatial limitations.

And that? That is all she wrote.