Fufu

Last night I got a blocked call. All I could think was, "Bunny?" with the thought in my mind I felt weak and helpless.

Some days are harder than others. In the beginning every day was hard. Everyday I felt like pieces of flesh were being ripped away from my ribs. My stomach was constantly unsettled and I lost 5 pounds in that week alone.

I had things to do and I tried to stay involved, but it was the hardest thing to accept. It was heartbreaking to know that all we had worked for could be ripped from me with nothing more than a days notice. To be lied to. To be made to feel loved, to be told there is nothing to worry about and then realize no there is nothing to worry about, only someone.

She got roses. I got cold indifference and chills.

Being places reminds me of her. And my stomach starts to have a fit again. I shop thinking I'm shopping for two. Going out in certain areas always brings tears to my eyes.

I want to destroy memories and yet I let them fester infecting my heart and decaying my mind. Randomly your name comes to me. Visuals of times when you were all mine.

I miss our way of cuddling. I miss your selfish comfort. I miss the silliness, the goofiness, the simplicity that was you and me. I'd even play that game I hate just to have you beside me again.

I miss you wanting me and yet I should have known that you would have outgrown me. I was a temporary luxury. You didn't really want you and me and so I sit in Niagara Falls unable to move for fear that I will be confronted by another memory of what used to be.

Mythos should change their name to Michaels and Elmwood should relocate. I should not be allowed to take walks. Cider should no longer be sold in stores. DuPont would be better shut down and Richmond should remain a city in Virginia and keep itself out of Buffalo. You should too.

I thank God for inner circles and my lack of mingling. I would break down. I always think I'm ok and I thought I would be. You didn't lie about how we felt, but I've come to realize I did. I lied. I thought I wasn't IN love and I couldn't have been farther from the truth.

And now I am sitting nursing a broken heart because I thought this was the way. Easy Street. Now the hole in my heart is my only reminder that I'm alive.

I keep trying to see the positive, but I guess that's why you left. Always angling things in a negative light. Just never able to get it quite right.

People say things and as much as you hurt me, I can think nothing except that I hope you're happy. I hope you think about me one day with fond memories and that she doesn't hurt you. You deserve the best and only you know what will make you happy.

I just remember when it was me. And I wish I still could be.