Favorite

Have you ever been in a state where every song it seems that comes on the radio, not only do you relate to it, but it sounds like slit your wrists and cry over the bathtub music? No matter where you turn, internet radio, regular radio, random shuffle of your own personal playlist, other people's playlists and then the cat is being super nice to you like you think you are going to die the cat is being that nice to you nice?

Well that place is real and I am wading through it. I am no longer over my head in it or even knee deep, but my ankles feel like they are in the quicksand part of it and so although I am feeling as if I am weaning myself off of the nasty, I am still stuck, even if only a portion of me, that portion keeps me from moving forward and that has to be the most frustrating part about it.

I just want to take a few steps and not have to worry about music, whether in movies or in my house, haunting me. Damn human emotions and connections. We need to be vastly more unique than we are.

So this weekend, a mess. Clearly as my one friend put it, hand me a bit of alcohol and watch the ride. I actually don't believe that and it actually hurt my feelings a lot since I consume quite a bit of alcohol (no worries I don't attend any meetings) and my rough ups happen to be few and far in between. I think I'm not doing that badly for myself. She would disagree.

I have another hole in my body bringing the number to a whopping you'll have to find out from personal experience. I put another hole in my face though, not something that I condone seeing that I am American and Americans don't particularly care for temple expression. My temple, my expression. That's what I say. My culture doesn't agree.

I still am a firm believer that getting older sucks. I am also a firm believer that sometimes people are not as they appear. How is it that you can be so nice to a person, they smile at you in your face and act as if they are genuine and when all is said and done, at the end of the day they are nasty pleather. Faker than fake. They are the hardest to pick out. Only talking behind your back and unless you have good friends or they slip up, you'll never know. Sounds as if I need a cleansing in my life.

And people wonder why it takes so much to really get in. I can't turn off my expression, but I can limit it and edit it much more effectively, because this right now is placing me in vulnerable states to where songs are messing me up and I am taking things much too personal. Even though I believe everyone has good in them, that doesn't mean that they know how to use it.

And what the hell? Nicest Thing? Kate Nash? Really? Should have never thumbs upped it.

Some people are nasty for nasty's sake. Purge yourself of it. It will only bring nasty into your life because the sweetness will want to run away from you or will only get run over by you and turn nasty too. And stop making things up! Isn't real life not interesting enough? And if not then go out and do something or hell, turn on the Kardashians. You see that mess? There are plenty of places to get your fix without screwing up the details of my existence. Let me alone. More suggestions just in case you get bored and decide that my not-doing-anything-to-you-but-minding-my-own-business-self is a good name to have in your mouth.

1. Bad Girls Club---- examples of who not to be and what not to do, but entertainment nonetheless
2. Friendzone----people embarrass themselves here too, but sometimes you get the lucky one who gets love
3. Housewives of Atlanta, Jersey, NY, wherever--- those women are something else
4. Basketball Wives (either will do)----- they have enough drama to distract you from me- don't they?

So if that isn't enough then maybe you should go for a walk, read a book, take up an instrument, or go do kickboxing or something because clearly you have some misdirected aggression of some sorts that needs some channelling. Just saying.

The Blow, True Affection is on repeat and Blinding by Florence + The Machine keeps ebbing at my insides.

Brain, if you don't want to work as well as other peoples and be super smart to provide me with a distraction, then I am just going to need you to do a complete shut off. Sickness and time away from the desk doesn't help either. Fever is making me loopy and the chill of the winter wind settling in is making my fingers numb and they keep threatening to shatter.

I think I have done enough complaining for one day.

Maybe.