First day of spending

January 5th- day 5 of 365.

I shouldn't have written it like that. A year is a long time when you say it in days. 365. Three hundred and sixty five. At least it's not a leap year this year.

So today was the first day of spending. I went to Aldi. The budget for groceries is $37.50 a week. I spent $35.64 and I'm so glad I came under budget because I walked into the store initially with cash only and then I went back and I brought my wallet as a just in case. I'm so happy that I got lucky and under budget because it encouraged me to not think like oh I can just bring my cards. No! I can't. This is a budget. A serious one. Not a oh hey you know just seeing where this goes. This is for real!

So anyways. That was my moment today. We've been paying bills and trying to get the gas and grocery under control. This stuff is not easy.

And the poor wife is starving and deprived at work because she can't go to Tim Horton's anymore. Poor gal. She's been making her lunch like a trooper, but doesn't want leftovers. Hopefully this will start to become less of a thing. She can't afford to not eat. Haha. Get it? Afford in a post about finances?! 😂😂😂

Ok. I'm done. Time for bed and budget reconfiguration in the a.m.

No Spend 2017

So today is January 4th 2017. I really feel like I live in the future. We have screens at our fingertips for entertainment, information, emotional support, connection to people miles away. I mean things are kind of trippy if you think about it.

With all of our technological advances we keep getting more and more, but fewer and fewer of us are happy. Happiness, in this land of stuff and gadgets is still fleeting and chased after. Somehow in this time of now and more and bigger and better happiness doesn't seem to be one of those bigger and better things.

Everything nowadays is disposable. Friends. Clothes. Significant others. Family. Home items. Cars. There is always a newer better version of what we have right now. We are never satisfied. We tire of the old, casting it off as if it never held any value, yet it was once what we lusted after before getting rid of the version before it.

Insatiable. So in an attempt to combat this, the wife and I have started a No Spend 2017. Yup. 365 days of not spending money unless we need to aka bills, gas, groceries. No eating out. No buying drinks. No movies. No concerts. No weekend trips. Nothing. There may also be some paring down along this journey, but for now baby steps.

We started this as an attempt to pay off our consumer debt. Its a little overwhelming and we have plans for our life that doesn't include drowning in debt to institutions. So before January 1st we may have front loaded a bit, buying whatever we felt we needed, but wouldn't be able to buy come 1/1. These were things like a rug pad, a new coat, leggings, and of course wine.

We have created a budget and decided to allocate every available dollar to credit card debt, the mortgage, and savings. Savings. The hardest part is to put savings away.

Now there are stipulations. If we really want something then we have to use a giftcard or work it into the budget. But we may not work everything into the budget. If we do something extra then it takes from something else like the groceries budget. That's really all it can pull from. Because we don't have anything else. Except a contigency fund, but that's for emergencies, not fun.

So this year we are exploring minimalism. Less stuff. Less clutter. Less stress. And to start we aren't buying anything extra. We are going to live within our means, stop comparing ourselves to others and this American dream and see how far we can get and if just maybe happiness comes to us. We're tired of the chase.

It has been so long since I have written. It is 2:08 p on a Wednesday. I am on break from my grad classes. Trying to finish homework that as per usual I have left until the very last moment. I am drinking a screwdriver, having conversations with the wife via text and listening to Georgia on My Mind. I am having thoughts on life. Wondering what the fuck the purpose is and how to really tame happiness. That last line made me smile.

Things. I used to have so many stories. I'm in a life rut currently. Hustling. These past few years have been hustle years. Years to get me, to get us to where we want to be. So no travels. Limited fun, aside from what we make and tears. School tears. Neighborhood tears. Family tears. All of the tears.

Did everyone know that my wife's brother's wife is having a baby in February? Did anyone know that I am terribly and disgustingly jealous. Jealous enough that I could play the part of Elphaba in Wicked? Like all jokes aside. I'm green. Seasick green. I'm jealous because I wish it was that easy for us. I want to just be whoops pregnant one day. I mean don't get me wrong, it's a definite blessing. Never have to worry about the whoops, but even if we were ready to try, we have to have anywhere from $500-$20,000 to get sperm, to swap eggs, to fertilize- all depending on what route we go. But no matter what route we go, we have to fork over money. We have to pay to be pregnant and not like stock up on some diapers, a crib and stroller the baby's coming pay to be pregnant, but actually pay money to be fat. I barely want to do it as it is, but if I'm gonna do it, can I just have it be easy? Why do I also have to pay to suffer?

So this is me right now. Venting. Feeling. Throwing myself the best pity party since '07. And with that, I suppose I should finish this homework and pretend that I'm an adult again. An adult student. Fuck. How do I sound like an adult with the let me go finish my homework bit? Eff.

I quit.

I'm baaaaack

Oh hello there.

So I've been home from Africa for a year. A year and 3.5 months to be exact. How the time flies. Seriously. 

Since then I've gotten married (omg!), gotten a job (that I hate), and started the immigration process for my wife. It's the worst.

Just yesterday I woke up at 7a to call immigration as we put supporting documents through on 6.3.15. It's been two months. We haven't heard anything. So it was time to check the status of our application.

So after the first two attempts that resulted in an automated message that ended with a hang up, I got through. I got through to only be told that our electronic submission from two months ago was never received. Never received.

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So... This happened and it is now 2 years that I've been back. The time really does fly. The wife got her visa just in February. We got through and everything went smoothly. It will be two years that we are married this year. 2. Dos. Two. Yeah I don't know anymore languages to say it in but oh my God. Two.

We have a house. No kids. Yet. And I'm currently gardening. Our city is going through a huge makeover, but only in very specific parts. Finding this house was a blessing. And also hard. Having a house is hard. What else. The wife got a job. Its amazing to live with her. It sometimes feels like she's only visiting, but the job has helped with the permanence.

I'm currently gardening. Yes. Me. Gardening. Kicking my ass. But, I'm in love with this house and the fact that we can make it our own. The neighbourhood is a bit wanting, but again, we have a house. Ours. All ours.

Things are good right now. So good.

Don't worry. I'll be back with more. Things are a bit domesticated right now. But something has to be said for stability. Its comforting. Feels safe.

Day 349

Tuesday April 8, 2014

I'm back in Buffalo. 

I'm lost and unsure of myself. 

It took a long while to decide, but I felt I did what was best for me and as much as a failure that I feel that I am, I also realized that I do not need to be in Uganda to be a Peace Corps volunteer.