Day 300

Tuesday February 18, 2014

I have never been more surrounded and felt so alone. 

I haven't decided what I'm doing yet. 

Is this worth it? 

I can't figure. 

I have figured that I like squat toilets, no my squat toilet, better than sit down ones as I feel that they are more efficient. Not as comfortable, but I'm looking for efficiency and speed. 

Today my urethra and anus were performing remarkably similar jobs and so it was then as I was sitting with this pain in my abdomen that I realized the same pressure wouldn't be there if I was squatting. 

Another advantage of poo-ing in the comforts of your own home. 

Aside from those basic calls of nature, I'm finding myself battling with my heart and mind. I'm trying so very hard to placate and pacify the heart that my mind is going soft and becoming frustrated with my created reality. 

I am dooming myself. I am losing my sanity. 

I simply am.  

Day 299

Monday February 17, 2014

First day back at work. Monday meeting was simply a myth. 

Got there on time. No one around. Left. 

Went to golf course. Met up with another volunteer. 

Trying to finish a presentation for a pece corps workshop and presently it still isn't finished. Neither is my counterparts. 

Again. As my friend, love her. As my coworker, I can't. 

If I am asked to do another piece of her work. Ugh. I jut can't. 

Fast dinner after a long day. And I realize my patience is wearing thin. 

Museveni is to sign the Anti-homosexuality act and I can only laugh at the ignorance that surrounds the topic. In the same breath I want to weep. 

I don't know everything political, we can't be everywhere in the world, but this affects all allies and those of the LGBT community. 

I'm nervous that more will come from this law. I'm nervous for the conversations. 

I don't want to partake and yet it is difficult to not be offended when friends and family, loved ones are called abnormal and are wished to hell. 

I'm questioning my service. I'm questioning myself. Why am I doing this? 

Day 298

Sunday February 16, 2014

Unsuccessful day at the 'Internet cafe.'

Although dinner tonight was delicious. Homemade spaghetti and the tomatoes were cooked just right. 

Today was pleasant. We went to the market. To the supermarket and I tried to convey the enviable moments in the life that we now lived. I'm only hoping that they were transferred along. 

Sometimes it is lovely to be here. Sometimes it is not. 

Sometimes it just needs a good drink and others it needs a sober mind. 

It is no different than any other place except tht this place is not familiar to me and so I feel outcasted and alien. 

Two states of which I hate to be settled in. 

Day 296

Friday February 14, 2014

Valentine's Day. 

Gift from the hotel owner an it rightfully made us cheerful. 

Tomorrow we return back to the bowels of Kampala to make our way 'home.'

I'm trying to drink in these last moments where there hasn't been an argument, any prolonged unwanted stares, no questions, just moving. 

Man is not meant to roam alone, but man adapts, so why am I having such difficulty? 

Day 297

Saturday February 15, 2014

And we are on our way back. She dreading the bus, me not wanting to spare the expense of a private car. 

She won. 

It was nice to find ourselves at home, but then the children began to cry. 

No dinner as we ate along the way at a mzungu restaurant that I first ate at after a month at my homestay. 

I remembered it to be amazing. This time around it was simply edible. Ordinary. That may also be due to the splendor of food set before us for the past four days. 

I will miss bacon. 

I already miss bacon. 

I'm encouraged to purchase a toaster oven.