I remember when I thought hiccups were cute

1/18/17

And I have a confession. I have sinned. I have tainted our progress and have the full taste of shame and sorrow and guilt sitting between my teeth.

Still.

Yesterday at work I ordered food. There is more to this story, but just in case you know work people are reading this, "HI!" 👋👋👋

So anyways. I spent. I spent $5.

And I cried. A lot.

You may be sitting there thinking to yourself, $5 that's nothing. It's only $5.

ONLY $5?!

That is $5 not in leftover savings. That's $5 off our grocery or gas or my transportation budget. That five bucks just set us back potatoes, some onions or a days worth of gas.

When I had to shell out that $5 my whole body felt icky. I immediately turned red, searing fire licking at every inch of my skin, while I simultaneously lost all heat in every extremity and felt like I was going to pass out all while nearly bursting into tears in front of my co-workers.

I felt/feel like a fraud. I've been boasting and yelling and professing #nospend2017 from every rooftop to every ear and here I am. Spending. 

I'm ashamed and yet so glad that I have a wonderful wife who reassured me that she's not disappointed or upset even though I am. She let me know that I just fucked up and essentially fucked our budget a bit this week- that $5 really has to come from somewhere. I want to give her a pass since I technically had one, but she refused and I'm so grateful. I'm happy that this little bump won't derail us, that we are dealing with the consequences of my selfishness, and this highlights my guilt as the wife has to suffer now too in some way because now there are even less pennies to punch this week. Not to mention we have a Toronto trip planned (in the budget because my wife has to see her family) and need extra gas money.

I thought I would be stronger than this. But this situation let me know that as much as I would like to think that I am, I'm not perfect and honesty really is the best policy.

So this lesson sucked, but it's fortified in me my drive to keep going and to be true to the #nospend2017

Also #nospend2017 isn't about deprivation, but really reavualting what we want/need and when and why. I didn't need that food last night. I was bored and greedy. I'm not happy for the infraction, but happy to have it confirm the lessons that I'm attempting to digest.

On to better days. More than two weeks and two days better days.

And days where I don't forget my chapstick. My lips really hurt and the stress from confessing this has me licking my lips excessively. Everything in excess!

😰😰😰

The Process

1/17/17

We started to go through what we have for food and what not and decided that we can't but more of an item until what we have stocked is used up.

Example- coffee. ☕

Melinda has about 20 options for coffee in our cupboard presently. We collectively decided that she can't buy new coffee until the current coffee has been depleted.

I have a stockpile of frozen vegetables in our freezer taking up valuable space. I can't buy any broccoli or cauliflower until that stuff is buh byed. Because why? Because waste and excess and we don't need to stockpile of we aren't going to use it.

Stockpile shit you need, not stuff you want to need. Ooh. Look at me coming up with phrases.

I'm feeling pretty good about where we are and what we are doing. Plus bills are seriously getting paid. Look at us go. :)

Now to move onto clothes. The purge continues.

Target. Dear Target.

January 14 2017

Fuck you Target!

Yes. That's how I needed to start this post because today we endured the ultimate test- a trip to Target.

Target where I get my rugs. Target with its $1 bargain buys. Target with shoes and plates and makeup bags and lamps and towels and couches and frames and decor. Oh Target how you taunt me.

My father bought us a microwave for christmas, which I did ask for, but after chrfkibg reviews we realized that we would be soon replacing our new microwave and ain't nobody got time for that in #nospend2017, so we were in target to make a return.

The only thing is that while in the line for customer service we saw a lady handing stuff out so of course we both look at each other knowingly and Melinda dashes out of line and gets the deets.

She returns with a reusable target bag (which God knows we don't need another bag reusable or otherwise in our house) and information about free samples/giveaways conveniently located arund the store.

So we return the microwave, get out giftcard, grab a buggy to give us the appearance of shopping and we go forth on our quest to find the free stuff. Along the way I picked up a hypothetical scarf, Melinda shoe polish. After those two items we stopped as it hurt too much.

We circled the store looking for stations and got four of them. Although we weren't sure if there were more (I later read the leaflet the handed us at the first station which was at the entrance telling us where all the freebies were), we decided that after finding cat food that was cheaper anywhere else that we needed to leave.

There was too much stuff! Cards and stationary. Games and pillow cases. Bathroom floor mats, tinsel, vases, trays. Everything I never knew I ever wanted-because I don't really.

And so we got our cat food and left. Oh and we bought it on our giftcard. Thanks for the Christmas gift dad. :)

This is getting tough

1/12/17
So it has been 12 days. Not even a full week and #nospend2017 is already proven to be difficult. Two things, well multiple things.

1. We started envelopes
2. We've already had to readjust the starting budget for one of those envelopes
3. Budgeting is hard
4. Shutterfly has unlimited prints right now and I want to order them but can't because you know shipping and handling
5. My wife did her first spending yesterday! Under budget again!
6. We keep trying to make excuses for things like wine and this party we want to go to but can't because Toronto and no free parking
7. This shit is making us resourceful as fuck.
8. This shit is making us a little depressed as fuck.
9. Dinners have been on point.
10. People have been super kind and generous and are making this first month a (relative) breeze from my parents to our friends to co-workers who don't have to, but have shared food, money (as in they bought stuff and shared it with us), wine-and yeah we have awesome people around us.
11. We are beginning to understand that if we didn't pack enough food that morning or night, then SOL to us because there is no Burger King or McDonald's or even an order of fries. Game done if we did not plan ahead.
12. Banana bread with part wheat flour =💣.com
13. I'm feeling very creative
14. We have more time.
15. We have had many revelations about life/society/culture/greed/the difference between wants and needs
16. It is only January 12th
17. My wife suggested hiking
18. We are waiting for summer (for more free stuff to do)
19. I don't feel like I need to spend money
20. Sometimes I want to spend money
21. My wife and I think this is going to be a real game changer

I heard a phrase today. A French phrase (thanks Twinsters). The phrase is...

"le mieux est l'ennemi du bien"

Translated as "the best is the enemy of the good." Meaning we should be happy with what we have. That we shouldn't always be searching for better, but to be satisfied and happy with what we have presently. It really spoke to me especially considering #nospend2017 and it is going to be part of my mantra moving forward. I don't think it means to settle (in a shitty situation), but I think it speaks to joy and contentment and everyday beauty and moments. And that. That makes me smile. So hears a big Fuck yeah even if it's a struggle. Here's to you #nospend2017 😘😘😘

First day of spending

January 5th- day 5 of 365.

I shouldn't have written it like that. A year is a long time when you say it in days. 365. Three hundred and sixty five. At least it's not a leap year this year.

So today was the first day of spending. I went to Aldi. The budget for groceries is $37.50 a week. I spent $35.64 and I'm so glad I came under budget because I walked into the store initially with cash only and then I went back and I brought my wallet as a just in case. I'm so happy that I got lucky and under budget because it encouraged me to not think like oh I can just bring my cards. No! I can't. This is a budget. A serious one. Not a oh hey you know just seeing where this goes. This is for real!

So anyways. That was my moment today. We've been paying bills and trying to get the gas and grocery under control. This stuff is not easy.

And the poor wife is starving and deprived at work because she can't go to Tim Horton's anymore. Poor gal. She's been making her lunch like a trooper, but doesn't want leftovers. Hopefully this will start to become less of a thing. She can't afford to not eat. Haha. Get it? Afford in a post about finances?! 😂😂😂

Ok. I'm done. Time for bed and budget reconfiguration in the a.m.